CHESTERTON – Hope, healing and peace was the message Bishop Robert J. McClory offered to those who attended the Mass of Remembrance for Bereaved Parents.
The Mass, held on May 4 at St. Patrick Catholic Church, offered the opportunity for nearly 40 mothers and fathers who have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss a day of remembrance and support.
The day coincided with International Bereaved Mother’s Day, which falls on the first Sunday of May.
“The Easter season is indeed a season of hope,: said the bishop. “It’s always good for us to remember in the midst of hope that Jesus did suffer and that he accompanies those who suffer. So, all of you, by your very presence here today, are first of all acknowledging the true humanity and souls of the little ones you have lost. We also come to the perfect place to place your suffering, that is, into the loving hands of our Lord.”
Bishop McClory shared that Jesus' healing ministry wasn’t generic but was always for individuals. He noted the healing of the woman who touched his cloak in the midst of the crowd, “He turned around and looked at her individually and gave her that healing. That was a beautiful, beautiful gift.”
The bishop then reflected on the Bible story of the healing of the little girl who died. “Rather than having a crowd gathered to watch the healing, he did the opposite, he only took a couple of his closest disciples. It was a moment of mercy and healing that was done in this individual way.”
Bishop McClory extended that healing and mercy individually as he offered a lit candle to each individual person or family who suffered a loss of a little one.
It was the lit candles that caught the attention of Deacon Rob Petro, particularly at one point during the Mass.
“When the Gloria began, the flames of the candles appeared as if they started to dance. It had to be the souls of the children,” Deacon Petro described.
For some, the loss of a child was recent, while for others, time has passed, but Bishop McClory reminded all of them of Christ’s presence. “To all of us gathered here, we come from a different place in our own mourning, in our own suffering, but wherever we are right now, we know that if we come to Jesus, which is what we are doing today, that he can bring us healing. That healing may look different to each of us, but it’s nonetheless very, very real.”
The bishop reminded those in attendance of Jesus’s words in the day’s Gospel reading, as the apostles came on shore after fishing – “Come, have breakfast.” Bishop McClory said, “Put yourself there as Jesus says, ‘Come, have breakfast.’ Today is the day for you to spend a little time with Jesus, maybe just listen to Jesus. But I suspect Jesus did a lot of listening…how we suffered, how we’ve had certain joys, how we’ve loved the Lord in times, had some pain and how good it is just to be with you Jesus. Just to have you with us. The important thing is to remember that Jesus can take our pain. That’s what he came here for – he came here literally to take our pain.”
Bishop McClory concluded by stressing that death is not the end, but a time when all living creatures are gathered around the throne, including all the little souls that have gone on to the Lord. “This isn’t the end of the story.”
The day brought a sense of peace and healing for many.
Ryan Lochow and his wife, Vanessa, St. James the Less parishioners, found comfort by joining others who experienced a loss.
“It is comforting to see others who have gone through the same thing and to have that sense we’re not alone,” Ryan Lochow said. “That others too have suffered a similar loss, and we can come together this day, this Mass to celebrate and acknowledge what we’ve gone through, but to also celebrate the gift of life.”
“I think it was a great remembrance – the importance of the unborn children we have yet to meet, the importance of how much they do mean to us,” he added.
Holy Family parishioners Joey and Jackie Bowen also found comfort at the Mass.
“This time was special to remember the ones that we lost but not be discouraged about it,” said Joey Bowden. “There’s joy thinking about when we get to heaven seeing them again. It’s exciting realizing we will see them again.”
As the Bowens anxiously await the arrival of new family members, they admit it’s at times difficult to talk about the losses they previously experienced.
“You don’t talk about it a lot,” said Joey “To have a day, a Mass, set aside for that, to really talk about it means a lot – just to have someone or others to go to, and also, being that person others can come to if they go through that same struggle.”
Kate Schafer, a pediatric critical care registered nurse as well as a mom who has experienced a loss, explained that many people are uncomfortable, or don’t know what to say, to someone who experienced a loss of a young one.
“We’re in a club nobody wants to be a part of, but once we’re here, we can be here together and support each other,” said Schafer. “One of the challenges dealing with pregnancy loss, infant loss, or even early childhood death is that everybody’s story is a little different and this Mass gives the space for wherever you are in that journey.”
Jill McMamara, founder of Miscarriage, Mothers & Others, observed the impact the Mass had on those who attended.
“So many women and families were touched. I think for many of them this is the first time anybody acknowledged their loss,” she said, “They come to the Church because we proclaim the sacredness of life from the moment of conception. It’s natural we should be doing this, most of society doesn’t know what to say or what to do after a miscarriage or loss of a child.”
She continued, “I feel the Diocese of Gary is ahead of the rest of the state in what they are doing for bereaved parents.”
Caption: Vanessa and Ryan Lochow, parishioners of St. James the Less in Highland, receive a candle from Bishop Robert J. McClory during the Mass of Remembrance for Bereaved Parents. (Mary Wellinski photo)
