MERRILLVILLE – Hope outshined grief as families who have lost children through miscarriage and infant death gathered for the annual National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day program hosted in Northwest Indiana by Miscarriage Mothers & Others at Calumet Park Funeral Chapel.
“In the midst of despair, there is hope … in the midst of death, there is life,” said Father Rick Holy, director of the Office of Pro-Life Activities for the Diocese of Gary, as he blessed the votive candles lit by families to represent their lost children. “Lord Jesus Christ, you are the light of the world, guide us every day. Knowing our children are under the tender embrace of you, may the flame of each of them remind us that they continue to shine brightly in your presence in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Noting that the brightest light “always catches our eye,” speaker Matt Kresich, youth and young adult minister at Holy Name of Jesus in Cedar Lake, termed it “appropriate that the symbol of our little ones are candles with a light” – a Wave of Light, since no matter how short their existence, “we want them to be remembered. No matter the size of their candle, their light still shines.
“As Christians, we believe these little ones are just as alive now as they were before, but differently, and that’s where the pain and sorrow comes in,” Kresich said. “Crying and pain are okay, but hope is an active gift from our Lord, and that we can use right now … through the good and the bad, the Lord is there with us.
“Hope allows us not to see the good or the bad in our journey, but to see the Lord with us (no matter what we encounter). You are being called to trust your little ones to (the care of) God. It takes a lifetime to figure out that we can’t do everything, but no matter how hard the journey, the Lord is standing closer than you can imagine … the challenge to you is to hope in the Lord, (and) trust in his care.”
Jill McNamara, founder and leader of Miscarriage Mothers & Others, explained that she began holding the annual remembrance programs to bring families with a loss together. “You are not alone; you are all grieving,” she said. “I hope you will get together at other times to share your stories.”
With that in mind, Louise and Greg Carr, of Schererville, agreed to share their story of losing two children, Sarah Louise, in 2008, and Francis Ignatius, in 2017, to miscarriage during a 24-year marriage that has also brought them six healthy children – Nathan, 21, Grant, 18, Isaac, 16, Christopher, 13, Grace, 10 and Gabriel, 9.
Louise Carr first explained that the couple was told they would have difficulty conceiving due to a medical condition, but got pregnant soon after marrying and had three healthy children before she began spotting 13 weeks into her fourth pregnancy with Sarah. Her doctor told her there was no heartbeat and sent her home to wait for a miscarriage, but while trying to preserve the remains for burial, she kept hemorrhaging and was finally able to obtain a D & C at the second Emergency Room she visited.
“It was very difficult; we were in shock,” she said, adding that the couple soon found out their daughter had a serious birth defect, Turner’s Syndrome, that would have resulted in a profoundly special needs child. “I didn’t know where or how to bury her, but was put in contact with Jill, and we had a beautiful ceremony in the cemetery where my mother and father are buried, and we had a headstone put in. A mother, a father, never wants to bury their child, but you are at the foot of the cross.”
Louise Carr admitted that she was “very much in fear of losing another child, but the Lord healed me … we turned our infertility over to God” and he gave them three more healthy children.
Surprised at 46 to be pregnant again, “I was excited, but the pregnancy was not progressing positively,” noted Louise. “My hormones were not changing and the baby did not grow, so I had to have another D & C. We buried Francis with my dad.
“My treasures in this world are my children, those here and those in heaven. I hope, in time, you will heal,” she told the other families, “but always remember.”
Greg Carr said the keepsakes they have, including an ultrasound, funeral photos and other documents, help the couple remember Sarah and Francis. “I did not grieve right away, because I was thinking about my wife and worried about her, but about a year later it caught up with me and I cried and grieved,” he said.
Trace Clayton and Lamont Jones, of Hammond, agreed that being with other families in their situation is healing. Having lost two daughters, Kimberly and Jessica, both in 2007, they were attending their first remembrance day in Merrillville, but a day earlier participated in a Walk to Remember in Indianapolis. “It was good to be together,” said Clayton, who learned about the Oct. 15 program at St. Joseph parish in Dyer and brought along Shanda Alexander, of Merrillville, she lost her own Baby Alex, just 2-1/2 weeks earlier.
“It’s good to be around people who’ve experienced the same thing I did,” Alexander said, “and to know I’m not alone.”
For more information about Miscarriage Mothers & Others and its services, call 730-9199 or email info@miscarriedbaby.org.
Caption: Tracie Clayton and Lamont Jones, of Hammond, light a candle in remembrance of their daughters, Kimberly and Jessica, miscarriages in March and October 2007. The couple attended the annual National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day hosted by Miscarriage Mothers & Others on Oct. 15 at Calumet Park Funeral Chapel in Merrillville for the first time just a day after participating in a Walk to Remember in Indianapolis. Waiting to light her own candle for Baby Alex, lost just 2-1/2 weeks ago, is Shanda Alexander (left rear), of Merrillville. (Marlene A. Zloza photo)