VALPARAISO – There were plenty of laughs and many heartfelt statements shared as the Diocese of Gary hosted its first Valentine’s Day Married Couples Retreat on Feb. 14 at St. Paul.
More than two dozen couples spent the holiday by sharing memories of how they met, answering questions about their personalities, listing the ways they appreciate each other and listening to “seven basic principles on how to have an amazing relationship” offered by speakers Chris and Linda Padgett.
The guest speakers honed their family ministry skills through 35 years of marriage, raising nine children and traveling around the U.S. with their message of, “People who remember why they fell in love stay in love.”
Calling that idea “a preventative from divorce,” Chris Padgett asked the couples to think back to their first impression of their spouse, and recalled his own experience with Linda, his high school sweetheart.
On your first date, “What did you eat? Where did you go? How many times did you change clothes? What was playing on the radio?” asked Padgett. “What’s your story?”
Jim Sadowski shared that his wife, Claudia Sadowski, offered to make him dinner at her home, and he expected a romantic evening. “When I got there, her whole family was there,” he recalled with a chuckle.
John Balser, of Valparaiso, admitted that when he met his wife, Elena, at the bank where she worked, he was a police officer whose first wife had left him, and he was “just looking for someone nice to talk to.” He asked her out, and she agreed, even though he later pulled over her sports car for speeding. “I gave her a warning,” he said.
Chris Padgett told the couples that the “three primordial pillars” that can bring people into a closer relationship with God are parents, friends and previous boyfriends/girlfriends “who help form who we are. All of that teaches you how to love and how to be loved.” Prompting them to think about their family’s Christmas Eve dinner menu and other holiday traditions, he suggested, “You are not doing these things by accident; you have all of these influences.”
Linda Padgett pointed out that couples also need to adapt as the years go by. “Time comes along and changes things … when you have children, for instance.” While she once stayed home to care for their children while her husband traveled for his ministry, she joined him in his work after their children were grown.
“Some couples get stuck (with problems that keep coming up in their marriage),” added Chris Padgett. “You get in a rut and need help, and if you don’t ask for help, you will keep getting stuck.”
The couples were asked to each make a list of 10 things they appreciate about their spouse, and then share their lists with each other. “Some things (about me) that I thought bothered him, he actually put on his list of things he appreciates about me!” said Michele Klota, of Fish Lake.
The exercise that drew the most laughs from the couples was the Raise the Shoe Game, where they exchanged a shoe, sat back-to-back and each raised the shoe of the one best described in a series of questions asked by Chris Padgett. The queries ranged from the serious – “Which of you is most religious?” – to the humorous – “Who’s the better kisser?”
Matching answers for every question, Nichole McCaffery and Tyler Peters, of Kouts, surprised each other. “We’ve been married just over one year,” said McCaffery.
After a catered lunch, the Padgetts struck a more serious pose by explaining the seven basic principles they believe leads to “an amazing relationship” in marriage. “We use them over and over; at least one of them is something you can (consider) and say: we can do better at that,” noted Linda Padgett.
The list includes:
1. Freedom – free to give yourself to one another, and free to be who you are meant to be.
2. Dignity and Respect – for yourself and each other.
3. Wise Choices – stay away from things that push your spouse’s buttons, and learn to navigate around them.
4. Self-control – be fully vulnerable and honest, and marriage can help you exert more self-control.
5. Commitment – feel like you are investing in your marriage and go all in.
6. Believe in one another – refer to a list of gratitudes.
7. Dream together – remember why you fell in love and maintain a ‘dream book’ to write down, change and adapt your dreams together.
“Marriage can be better than you ever thought or imagined,” said Chris Padgett. “We are still stirring the fire, still growing and still open to the adventure.”
Caption: Married just over a year, Nicole McCaffery and Tyler Peters, of Kouts, matched all 34 answers in the Raise the Shoe Game to demonstrate how well they know each other at the Married Couples Retreat hosted by the Diocese of Gary on Feb. 14 at St. Paul in Valparaiso. The questions included “Who is the most religious?” and “Who is the most stubborn?” as well as more humorous queries like “Who has the better fashion sense?” (Marlene A. Zloza photo)
