MUNSTER – Joy and pain unfold in the lives of people every day. Because children are not exempt from cathartic events, the availability of tailored support can help guide youths to psychological well-being.
At St. Thomas More School, volunteer facilitators are preparing for the debut of Rainbows For All Children, part of a nationally-known initiative that gives structure to sessions in which children are heard and share about matters of grief.
“This is a support group for children dealing with loss – be it through death, divorce or separation by military service, it (relates to) any family member,” said Emily Hackett, director of religious education at the Munster parish. “It’s a group session where kids can come together and talk and hopefully help each other.”
Reprising an offering at the church about 20 years ago, Hackett said the time was right to launch the adult-facilitated kids discussion program.
“As we get started with the group, I’m sure things will come up because 20 years ago we didn’t have the technology we have now – we didn’t have all the social media and influences that these kids unfortunately are dealing with now,” Hackett explained. “These are the times we’re living in … we’ll deal with that as it comes up in the group.”
A couple weeks ahead of the first Rainbows session set for Nov. 4, 10 children were signed up. In time, the group will grow to accommodate more, according to Hackett, who hopes to retain a “dynamic group.”
She has circled the first Monday of each month on her calendar for the therapeutic sessions. Interested parents of youngsters from kindergarteners to fourth-graders can reach out to her at the parish and provide basic information including the life event or issue for which their child needs support.
The natural phenomenon of a rainbow is formed during or after rainfall and is shown as a spectrum of colors as light passes through the precipitation. This display is a metaphor for struggle and peace.
Rainbows For All Children was founded in 1983, “committed to creating a community and providing resources that empower youth to navigate loss and uncertainty.” Now, according to the non-profit organization, more than 68% of U.S. youth experience the absence of a family member during their childhood.
Hackett elected to re-form a group to initially focus on assisting the younger set, though the national Rainbows program offers curriculum for ages 3-18.
Participation in the initiative is free of charge.
When children experience loss, Hackett said, some turn to God, while others may become angry or confused. She believes the major overlay of faith with psychology is to offer the perspective that youngsters can rely on God, prayerfully approaching as they know “Jesus also suffered and can identify with them.”
Hackett and her co-facilitator Jill Alonzo, a St. Thomas More parishioner, wish to instill the knowledge that none of the children are “the only one” experiencing grief or uncertainty.
Recently stepping up to volunteer her time to facilitate the older youth who will gather at Rainbows, Alonzo, a Crown Point public elementary school principal, looks to make a difference, “relating and empathizing” with the children.
She is optimistic that youth can open up to each other in a safe, facilitated setting, as “kids are drawn to kids.”
“We’re envisioning something that feels very collaborative – there may be times when we’re sitting in a circle, and there may be times when we need to pair off and have a sidebar conversation, one-on-one, two students,” she said. “This will be very facilitative, not directive.”
Alonzo has been studying age-appropriate resources including discussion guides and workbooks. And she brings not only familiarity with the program but also a personal connection to loss that has remained with her since she was little.
“My father passed away when I was a young child; I was two-and-a-half,” explained Alonzo about the late Mark Dunn. “There is that peculiar question about the age of knowing. Conventional wisdom says you cannot possibly remember things, or that your memories are other things that people have told you.
She concluded, “I have very vivid images in my mind (of my dad) and they’re not of photographs.”
Those memories were some solace when she found herself in situations such as school parent’s day, father’s day or a birthday celebration. She was “different.”
Among other losses in her life, the passing of her grandmother Beulah Slone in 2002, “the one who raised me,” was a cross to bear. The weight of those feelings was heavy, though she learned to be a strong individual, employing various coping skills and a mature sense of empathy.
“I think it’s definitely reassuring for kids to realize that, yes, at some point there will be some reunification,” Alonzo said of heaven. “It’s great to share the power of prayer – whether that’s praying for the ones we’ve lost, or praying for our friends who are also experiencing grief.”
The seasoned teacher and mother said she’s observed that children’s lives are getting more complex. That has been complicated by two decades in which online activity and social media have become dominant platforms, especially for youth.
Instead of sitting at computers or phone screens, Rainbows children will sit among their peers sharing, praying, and even laughing.
“I’m excited that this fills in what I perceive to be a need in children,” said Alonzo. “I think if we don’t learn how to process through grief or even develop coping strategies, it just becomes harder as you get older. You’re always going to have to have coping skills throughout your life.”
For more information about Rainbows For All Children at St. Thomas More, call Emily Hackett at (219) 836-8610 ex. 2232, or email her at ehackett@stm-school.com.