VALPARAISO – If you are hoping to bring someone else back into the Catholic Church, be sure your own relationship with God is strong.
That’s the message Father Jacob McDaniel, chaplain of St. Teresa of Avila Catholic Student Center, imparted to his audience on July 30-Aug. 1 in “Return,” a three-part series for individuals and families hoping to win back family members and friends to the faith.
“Before you talk to a child or grandchild about their faith, revisit the seven steps to engage and pray yourselves with God,” Father McDaniel urged. “It doesn’t have to be difficult. Pray the Rosary for them, and include them intentionally in prayers at every Mass you attend as you work on yourselves.”
The seven steps that Father McDaniel explained include a morning prayer to God that can be as simple as “I will serve you, Lord” to a “more elaborate verse that you could write on your mirror or put in your phone,” he noted, followed by a conversation with God (prayer) during the day. “Praying is like breathing; you can take a different amount of time, choose a special place at home or in church and invoke the Holy Spirit, read from the Bible or listen to a podcast for as briefly as 45 seconds, then hit pause and think about what you read or heard.”
A third step is developing a devotion to Blessed Mary that may involve praying the Angelus or “picking up a rosary, even if just to pray a decade a day,” suggested Father McDaniel. Step Four, he added, is to read scripture or a spiritual book, “even if just for five minutes a day, maybe 10 verses of the New Testament.”
Attending Mass is Step Five, while regular confession is Step Six. “Let that be a moment of victory,” Father McDaniel said. “Penance is offering up voluntary sacrifices. Many Catholics felt once the mandatory abstinence from meat on Fridays was lifted, that was it, but abstaining on Fridays is still an option, or choose to not watch TV or go on the computer on Friday.”
The seventh step is “a general exam at night, thanking (God) for the good things that happened that day, saying you are sorry for your failings that day and telling Him how you want Him to help you tomorrow.”
Immediately implementing all seven steps “can be overwhelming,” Father McDaniel admitted, “so pick a few steps to follow, and then because we have lived them, we can share them.”
“The penance thing stuck with me,” said Greg Brennecke, a St. Teresa of Avila member, from Chesterton, who attended with his wife, Megan Brennecke. She said it makes sense to her “to start with ourselves before we start reaching out to others (about having faith).”
Sara Ehlers found the steps presented by Father McDaniel familiar. “I think I do all of them,” said the St. Teresa of Avila member from Valparaiso. “It sounded like a lot, but then I realized that I thank God for blessing my life every day. I read, go to confession, do an examination of conscience and I usually attend Mass five to seven days a week,” she said. “It is the way I live.”
In the 4th Century, Father McDaniel explained, a woman prayed and prayed for the conversion of her abusive husband, “and eventually he saw the transformation in her life and he converted before he died. She also prayed for the conversion of her sons, and one even joined a cult, but eventually he met a wise bishop and became a priest, bishop and one of the singular greatest minds of the Church, St. Augustine.
“Thus, St. Monica’s prayers were answered. God does answer prayers,” said Father McDaniel. “It is important to be patient … because it is easy to lose hope.”
On the final night of the series, Father McDaniel offered what he called “the bread and butter” of how to approach family members and friends they hope to bring back into the Catholic Church.
First, he said, “You need to build trust. Learn their interests, their likes and dislikes, and as Pope Francis says, ‘Meet them where they are at.’ When they realize you love them for who they are, they can trust you.”
Once you have garnered some trust, “Make the leap and open up the difficult conversation, but not in a group setting,” Father McDaniel said. “You could say, ‘I wonder if you’d be open to talking to me about God,’ or ‘I know you have a mixed relationship with God, but would you be willing to talk about spiritual things, now or later,’ and leave it open to them.”
The third component, said the St Teresa of Avila chaplain, is to say, “I want to listen,” and mean it. “Ask, ‘Can you tell me more about your mixed relationship (with the Church),’ but if they say ‘No,’ then drop it.
“This is not a chance to use guilt, fear or anxiety,” he warned. “If you say, ‘I don’t want you to go to hell, you can drive them away! You don’t want to lecture them, and when they realize that, they may be surprised.
“When you listen, keep eye contact and have a calm posture while they talk,” Father McDaniel urged. “Repeat things they say back to them, which shows you are listening, and try saying ‘You said (this), can you tell me more about that?’”
“Five natural questions” that Father McDaniel suggested to direct the conversation – maybe after several conversations – are: What do you think about (blank)? Why do you think that is true? How did you come to believe that? What do you mean by (blank)? and What do you say to someone who says (blank)?
“Eventually, you’ll start to know about the (specific) objections they have about the Church,” he added. “Often, it is a question of authority – who has it and why.
“If they struggle with (a belief) in God, you might ask them, ‘What happens to you when you die?’ and if they have trouble with morality, you can ask, ‘What is the source of moral values?’ If they struggle with pain and suffering, you can ask ‘What is the purpose of our suffering?’ and if there is no God, then it is pointless, really.”
Finally, Father McDaniel encouraged his audience to “Pray for three things – prudence, the right judgment and timing; courage, because of the difficulty of having these discussions; and patience, because God is in control.”
Caption: Father Jacob McDaniel talks with (from left) parishioners Greg and Megan Brennecke, of Chesterton, and Sara Ehlers, of Valparaiso, after the second session of a three-part series, "Return," at St. Teresa of Avila Catholic Student Center in Valparaiso, July 30-Aug. 1. The series focused on how to prepare yourself to evangelize family members, friends and neighbors who have fallen away from the Church, because the faithful must first have a true relationship with God "before you can share it with other people," noted Father McDaniel. (Marlene A. Zloza photo)