My husband, George, and I started our married life with pretty much the same dreams as most young couples: build a life together and have children. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary when I was eight months pregnant with our fifth and last child. It seemed that our family was complete. We were ready if God wanted to bless us again, but being in our 40s, we felt five was good.
Yet as the years continued, we discovered that we both had a secret desire to become parents again. What fun it was to find out we were thinking the same thing! This made us feel that God had plans for us, and those plans were adoption.
We went to Catholic Charities to begin the process for a special needs adoption. Special needs were defined as any child over the age of 18 months. Since we were older, that was perfect for us. We went to classes and applied. Our case worker was very positive and was certain that a child would be placed with us shortly. To our surprise, the state denied our application, stating that we had “too high of expectations.” The case worker was as confused as we were, as she had never heard of that as a reason to deny an adoption.
Disappointed, but accepting, we returned to raising our five children. I became involved with prolife work, including helping post-abortive women heal through Rachel’s Vineyard weekends. Through Rachel’s Vineyard, I met a Missionary of Charity priest, Father John Gibson. Some years back, he had been sent by Mother Teresa to Sierra Leone in Africa to help the refugees of the recent “Blood Diamond War.” Through him, I became familiar with a young African woman, Louisa Aminata, herself a refugee from the war, who was helping the many war-orphaned children living on the streets. Louisa had been born a Muslim, but had converted to Catholicism because of Mother Teresa.
Louisa and Father John discussed the needs of the children and decided that they needed a home and a mother. Louisa, only 21 years old, decided to open that home and become the mother of 22 orphan children. Father John asked me to establish a charity in the United States that would serve to support the home. With more than a little apprehension, I agreed.
Savior of the World Children’s Center was opened in 2004. The center became the home for hundreds of children over the years, as well as a support for local families with medicines, food, and clothing. God provided what was needed, and I was constantly overwhelmed by what God was able to do with such modest means.
While my husband and I visited Sierra Leone and watched the children grow, we wondered what we could do to help the poor there. One possible way was to adopt two of the children, an older boy and girl, who could be educated in the U.S., and then return to Sierra Leone to teach or open a business. Louisa agreed, and she chose the two children for us, ages 13 and 14, with their consent. We also decided to adopt an absolutely adorable three-year-old boy we had come to love, because he was absolutely adorable.
This process ended up taking six long years, as Sierra Leone does not favor international adoptions. Eventually, our three new children came to the U.S. and became U.S. citizens. Shortly after that, we became concerned about two other older children who did not have any family to return to when they turned 18. We asked them if they wanted to come to the U.S. and become part of our family and they agreed.
Each family who adopts has its own unique story. Ours was the confusion of two vastly different cultures coming together. Our African children, raised Catholic by Louisa, with strong discipline and respect for elders, never caused any of the regular teen problems faced by U.S. families. They studied and worked hard, did chores, and were grateful for everything received. They only knew how to cook on an open fire. They had never seen school books or any books. Running water in our house was a shock. Their national language was English, but they spoke a tribal common language mixed with the Queen’s English. It was hard to convince them that they needed coats and closed-toe shoes for winter, until the first snow. It was not easy teaching them to drive when, in Sierra Leone, there were no traffic laws or even a preferred side to drive on. There were countless different understandings of things, which caused frustration and also laughter.
Our African children are not siblings. Each has their own tribal background. It would be nice to say that we all got along, but that was not true. We were as exasperated with them at times as they were with us and with each other. But we knew this was what God wanted. We prayed the Rosary together and went to daily Mass. They received confirmation at our parish. The two oldest got GEDs and the next two received high school diplomas (even though they became freshmen at age 18). The youngest was homeschooled and needed to start at the preschool level even though he was eight years old.
Today, the four oldest African children are married and have children of their own. Our youngest, at age 21, attends Ivy Tech. Our family gatherings are big and noisy. Our menu is always an international feast. We laugh at all the confusing times when they first arrived.
I sometimes think back to our denied application for adoption because we had “too high of expectations.” It makes me smile. Perhaps that is true, but it was God who had the highest expectations.
There are many children in need today. I have worked in many ministries, but none come close to changing the life of a child through adoption. It is allowing God to change that child and to change you. There is laughter and tears. It is different from raising your own biological children, but no less wonderful. Is God whispering to your heart the desire to be a mom or dad to a child in need? What kind of expectations does God have for you? His grace will support you!
Looking to learn more? Come to the adoption and foster care information seminar on May 8 from 6-8 p.m. at Mary, Mother of Mercy, Queen of All Saints campus in Michigan City. Speakers at the event include a Foster Care Advocate NWI and a specialist in licensing and training for foster and adoptive parents. For more information and to RSVP, visit https://dcgary.org/possibilities.
Kouris is the Coordinator for Marriage and Family for the Diocese of Gary.
