VALPARAISO – Dozens of Catholic couples from throughout the Diocese of Gary gathered just ahead of Valentine’s Day to share one of the diocese’s most popular events, the annual Marriage Date Night.
This year’s dinner offered a Spanish flavor as Don Quijote restaurant served a multi-course dinner with guitar music by married couple Pancho and Carolyn Rodea, both longtime Spanish-language teachers from Valparaiso.
Keynote speakers were Sofia and James Bilder of St. Paul, married June 3, 2022 at St. Mary, Crown Point, and now parents of an eight-month-old daughter.
“He noticed me for the first time during the Easter Vigil mass (in 2021), where I was receiving my sacraments of initiation – baptism, confirmation and First Communion,” said Sofia. “Nervous and preoccupied, I had no idea that my future husband was there with his family watching as I entered the Catholic faith. He spent the next three weeks asking around about me at church until we finally connected on a Catholic dating site.
“Once again, God was helping us along,” added Sofia (then Gamba), a metallurgical engineer who moved to the Calumet Region from Colorado to work in the steel industry and currently stays home to care for the couple’s daughter. “I’d previously given up on online dating but decided to give it one more try. Five minutes after posting my profile, James messaged asking about my time in Colorado. He'd clearly read my profile.”
Many texts and phone calls later, he asked Sofia Gamba to Mass and lunch. “We met for the first time for Pentecost Mass,” she recalled. “Who could have guessed that an Easter baptism would mean having a date to church every Sunday for the rest of my life?”
Jim Bilder grew up in the Chicago suburbs and admits to being only a “casual” cradle Catholic until he began praying the Rosary while on guard duty with the Army National Guard in college. “I was praying to meet someone,” and then during COVID I started discerning about becoming a priest, but then realized that was not my calling,” he said.
He attended Easter Vigil Mass with his parents at their home parish, St. Michael the Archangel in Schererville, where he first noticed his future wife, and remembers that she wore a veil and attracted his attention as devout. My parents had been cradle Catholics,’ said Sofia Bilder, and after they became stronger in their faith, Sofia decided she wanted to change her lifestyle. “‘How will I find a man?’ I wondered, and my mom said ‘Go to church.’
“We both believe God had his finger all over our love story,” Sofia Bilder added.
She said her future husband, a law enforcement officer, “taught me many things. I now know that sacramental marriage is a vocation, a way of life, and has two main goals – to get your spouse to heaven and to make children if you are able.”
The couple prays a daily Rosary whenever possible and has become advocates of the Ambassadors of Mary, a group that Jim’s father, also Jim Bilder, became active in during the 1960s, when as many as 400 statues of Our Lady of Fatima circulated with families weekly to encourage prayer.
The senior Jim Bilder has revived the Ambassadors of Mary with just a few remaining statues and Jim and Sofia Bilder circulate one in the Valparaiso area. To request more information, contact the senior Jim Bilder at 242-4604 or james.bilder@comcast.net.
The Marriage Date Night speakers are also involved in Marriage Prep in their parish, as are guests Mark and Sandra Shrall at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in Valparaiso, married for 48 years.
“We have worked with couples since 2000,” said Sandra Shrall. “It is not as formal a process as it was, but couples still have to learn to give and take. There used to be no talk of divorce – you married for life.”
Mark Shrall admits he sometimes listens to a groom share ideas they have about marriage “and I tell them that’s not going to work” based on his experience. “My best advice is to take your children with you to church and on vacation.”
Patricia and William Fessler, of St. Patrick in Chesterton, have shared 52 years of marriage, he said, predicated “on me listening to her – sometimes.”
The couple agreed they strengthened their faith by attending Christ Renews in 2005, “and I haven’t missed a Sunday Mass since,” said William Fessler. “I’m still learning about my faith,” he added of the couple’s work with the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) program. “Like the candidates, I do research, too.
“I always wanted to get involved in RCIA,” revealed Patricia Fessler. “The candidates are there because they want to be there, and that is inspiring.
She added that she couldn’t wait to return to Mass after the COVID pandemic closed churches in 2020. “You don’t know what you are missing from Mass and especially the Eucharist until it is gone.”
John Balser, married about 30 years to wife Elaina Balser, admires her fortitude as a devout Catholic who married a non-Catholic and waited patiently for him to convert. “She insisted we get married in a Catholic church, but didn’t push or pester me to become Catholic. She just served as a good example and after about seven years I decided that I wanted to be with these Catholics.”
“I tried to be a role model for my husband,” Elaina Balser said with a smile. “Now we enjoy getting out and talking to other couples at this event. We even had a great talk with tonight’s speakers before dinner.”
Caption: Catholic married couples packed into Don Quijote restaurant in Valparaiso to enjoy the annual Marriage Date Night hosted by the Diocese of Gary on Feb. 7. The conversation was lively, the music was melodic and the dinner was delicious heading into a talk about finding "Pilgrim Hearts" that focus on the Blessed Mother. (Marlene A. Zloza photo)